Sam made me promise I'd only write nice things about her on here. SAM, YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE THAT READS/KNOWS ABOUT THIS. Well, besides Kerri and maybe Erin...and Joe (I don't believe for one second you didn't bookmark this shit you spy) There's my shoutout to my vast amount of readers. Now, onto one of the most absurd text messages I got today from my guy friend who spent the night in AC:
B: But do I ever have a story for you
Me: Haha, what happened?
B: So I go upstairs for a break and my friend brought a "girl" back. So they did their deed now mind you he claims he didn't pay, and she was normal for a short period of time then all hell broke loose. She is flashing her twat around and proceeds to crush a beer can in between her ass cheeks. Then this is the cherry on top. Lays down on the bed, grabs her ankles, pulls them to her shoulders, lights a cigg, stuffs it in her vag takes a huge pull and starts queefing out the smoke. And continues to queef on demand. And he didn't pay, he swears.
..no. NO. NO. NO. I refuse to let my brain process that story. Keep in mind, I got this text while innocently browsing the toothpaste aisle at Target. I was just strolling along swinging my basket when he dropped this bomb on me. I don't even know how to feel about this. I mean, I thought I got wild in AC, but this girl takes the CAKE. I can't even inhale a cigarette in my MOUTH without grabbing for the arm of the person next to me and coughing until I'm lightheaded, yet this slut is blowing perfect smoke rings out of her nono zone. Unfuckingreal. I need to pick this girl's brain, "What first inspired you to crush beer cans in your buttcheeks?" Like, how broken of a home do you have to come from where your reaction to being the only girl in a room full of guys is to treat your vagina to a smoke? More importantly, WHAT WERE THE GUYS DOING DURING THIS? I asked B and he answered "Sitting there in disbelief." No, B. You should have been curled up and rocking in the fetal position on the floor while covering your eyes because that was NOT something you can ever unsee.
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