Seriously?

….I…I don’t even know where to begin here. Do I focus on the original status or just jump right to the “aw” reaction?  I guess it’d be best not to exhaust myself and just stick to making fun of one person per post. So,  he wants a girl to use him for him…and not his dick. First off, that doesn’t even make sense.  That still leaves you getting used, brotha.  Second, let me give you some background on this kid. He’s one of those people you cannot bring yourself to defriend on Facebook solely because of the entertainment they provide. Kid’s got some undeniable symptoms of Douchebag Syndrome:

1.       1. Switched his last name on facebook to “Romance”

2.       2. Routinely posts pictures of his high bar tabs to show how much money his dumbass wastes buying drinks for opportunistic girls like myself

3     3. Clogs up my newsfeed with hourly statuses about loving girls and looking good

So how did I get the honor of becoming Facebook friends with a polished gem like this? I met him at a bar, of course. Now, let me explain my stance on giving my number out at bars. I do it all the fucking time. Seriously, not too hard to get my number out of me; no guy should consider it a victory of any sort. Chances are if you’re a seemingly harmless guy who lures me in with a drink and then locks me into a conversation, I’m not going to not give you my number.  Why? Because that’s AWKWARD.  “Oh, well thanks  for the drink but I don’t really give enough of a fuck about talking to you ever again to give you my number.” No can do. Call me a softie. It’s just easier for me to let their texts fizzle out until they get the hint.  Anyway, that’s what happened with this kid. He tried to convince me I had told him I was unsure if I could ever date someone as good-looking as him because I’d be too possessive. Umm.. no, guy, no I did not tell you that. I could have been hooked up to an IV of 10,000 proof vodka while simultaneously knocking back shots of Absinthe and I still wouldn’t have said that because I am not attracted to scrawny effeminate guidos whether I’m sober, drunk, or comatose.  (Burly, masculine guidos are another story.)  Despite me assuring him that I was truly uninterested,  he still felt it necessary to flirtatiously call my name anytime he saw me on campus for an entire semester. To this day if someone holds the “e” in “Julie” a little too long, my immediate reaction is to put on my hood and sprint in the opposite  direction. “Julieee ;)” Oh god, it haunts me.

And speaking of God, I PRAY this kid never comes across this blog because I can just see the status update now “wowww haterz dedicatin hole blog posts to me now, keep hatin girl ur making me famous lma0”